komitmen --sebuah retorika--

beberapa tahun belakangan ini saya kenal seseorang.
dia datang dan pergi.
datang.
lalu pergi.
tak lama datang lagi.
sejenak kemudian pergi lagi.

ahh.
entah apa yang membuat dia begitu.
tak tahu pula apa yang membuat saya tetap bertahan dengan keadaan seperti itu.
tak mengerti apa yang membuat kami menjadi seperti ini.
bingung dengan apa yang ada di hati.

hati siapa.?
ia.
saya.
kami.

sampai tadi siang saya mendengar pendapat dari seorang teman yang mengenal kami berdua.
teman itu mengatakan bahwa seseorang yang datang dan pergi tersebut selalu seperti itu.
tak pernah mengakui kehadiran seseorang dalam hidupnya.
sampailah pada satu kesimpulan bahwa sebenarnya ia takut untuk berkomitmen.

komitmen.
hal itu yang selalu didengung2kan di majalah wanita.
sebagian besar --kalo boleh dibilang semua-- majalah tersebut memberikan saran pada para pembacanya untuk menghentikan hubungan dengan laki2 yang takut komitmen.
saya hanya membaca.
tanpa mengerti.
namun sekarang saya mengerti.
--kenapa saya harus selalu menjadi orang tersebut untuk kemudian mengerti apa yang dirasakan.. kenapa saya tidak bisa "put my feet in someone's shoes" untuk mengerti tentang sesuatu..--

komitmen.
menurut definisi saya.,--maaf..saya terlalu malas untuk mencari di kamus atau sekedar click di wikipedia-- adalah semacam perjanjian yang membuat pihak2 yang terlibat menjadi terikat satu sama lain.

perjanjian.
tidak harus 'hitam di atas putih'.
yang penting sama2 sadar peranan masing2.

mungkin itu yang membuat teman saya datang dan pergi.
dia terlalu takut untuk berkomitmen dengan saya.
terlalu takut untuk terlibat dalam suatu perjanjian.

childish.
ya.
kekanak2an.
seorang dewasa seharusnya tidak takut pada komitmen.
karena bagaimanapun., dalam hidup ini kita akan bertemu pada komitmen.
termasuk dengan diri sendiri.

saat search tentang 'commitment' di google --well.,saya juga mau memperkaya tulisan saya dengan sumber2 yang bermutu..-- saya menemukan keyword 'commitment phobia'..

click.
copy.
paste.
"Commitment Phobia can affect almost any part of the person's life, but especially affects how a person feels about becomming involved, or staying involved, in a long term relationship." (www.anxietymatters.com).

involved.long term relationship.relationship.
itu kata2 yang menjadi pusat perhatian saya.

benarkah.?
benarkah relationship dapat menjadi seburuk itu bila sudah dikaitkan pada komitmen.?
benarkah komitmen dapat mempengaruhi relationship.?

ternyata relationship tak seindah itu.
ternyata komitmen tak semudah itu.

saya ulangi lagi kata itu.
"komitmen".
kali ini seperti berkata pada diri saya sendiri.

siapkah saya.?
saya mencoba untuk "put my feet in someone's shoes".
mencoba merasakan apa itu komitmen tanpa harus menjadi orang yang berkomitmen.

saya tertegun
terdiam.
hingga sampai pada satu kesimpulan.

ternyata saya tidak sesiap itu.

ia.
saya.
kami.
sama2 childish.



--CePe--

kuliah pengganti di hari Jumat --bagian dua--

tulisan ini bisa dibilang sambungan dari sebelumnya. namun bisa juga jika ingin dilihat secara terpisah. namun jika ingin dilihat secara satu kesatuan akan lebih bagus lagi. maka dari itu mereka adalah rectoverso.

mata kuliah kedua adalah tentang perkembangan alat2 teknologi komunikasi. pada awal pelajaran., dosen bilang,"kalo kamu mau nikah nanti pilih orang yang mencintai kamu.."

teman2 langsung protes.,"kalo gt ga ada abis nya dong pak!karena rasa cinta nya dia gak berbalas.."
si bapak bilang,"yaa.. kalo ada beberapa pilihan kamu pilih mana yang mencintai kamu. kamu jangan pilih orang yang kamu cintai.."

wew. adilkah itu.?
A mencintai B. B mencintai C. C mencintai D. .. tak akan ada habisnya.
A mencintai B. lalu bagaimana dengan B.?akankah dia mencintai A.? adilkah untuk A.? bukankah sakit mencintai tanpa balas dicintai.?

lalu bagaimana jika semua orang berpikir seperti Bapak Dosen.?
A mencintai B. B mencintai C.
lalu A berpaling pada D yang mencintainya.
bukankah menyakitkan.?

egois kah itu.?
"yang penting kita dicintai.. karena kan enak kalo dicintai.. masalah mencintai., nanti juga pasti bisa lah.. pasti berbalas.."

bagaimana jika saling mencintai.?
"nah.. kalo itu lebih bagus lagi..!!" jawab sang dosen dengan semangat.

menurut Anda.?


--CePe--

kuliah pengganti di hari Jumat

well. oke. last night i told my friend that i wanna write kinda that day's activities in my blog. but who's gonna read it.? then i also told him that i want to write in Bahasa. so here i am. im about to write my blog in Bahasa., to tell you about today. here we go..


hari ini Jumat. akhir pekan --well., i should translate all into Bahasa., right.?--. saatnya santai.
tapii apa daya karena hari ini gue ada kelas pengganti. gak tanggung2., tiga mata kuliah sekaligus. di mulai jam 10.30 dan diakhiri pada pukul 16.00.. mpfiuh!

mata kuliah pertama --sensor--. dan kelompok gue dapet giliran presentasi hari ini. topik yang kami bahas adalah tentang --sensor--!. bagaimana penyedia jasa internet ini bisa berkembang,, layanan yang diberikan, serta tantangan yang dihadapi.semua terasa sempurna. kami sudah latihan dari hari Kamis. tadi pun kami datang tepat waktu. penampilan pun ok: kemeja,rok,blazer,stocking,sepatu.

pas presentasi mau dimulai., agak sedikit kecewa karena bapak dosen ga hadir. ahh. kenapa?! ntahlah..

presentasi berjalan lancar.sampai tibalah pada sesi tanya jawab. pertanyaan dari teman2 dapat kami jawab dengan lancar. sampai pada titik teman2 kehabisan amunisi., dan sang AsDos mengacungkan tangan. hha! disinilah semuanya dimulaii..

dia itu asli nyolotin banget.bener2 ga bisa terima kalo mahasiswa lebih jago dan lebih pinter dari dia. ga bisa terima banget kalo mahasiswa nya bisa kasih jawaban atas semua pertanyaan dia. bener2 ngelebihin dosen. udah gitu sotoy abis. dikasih tau malah ngeyel. please dehh miss., perbanyak baca koran biar tau kalo UU IT udah disahkan. jangan cuma nonton infotaiment aja., jadinya cuma tau kalo oknum SA disuruh ke DPR buat rapat tentang UU IT. huh!

at the end our presentation ., ups.,. maaf. pada akhir presentasi kami., dia bilang kami cukup bagus --suatu hal yang saya yakini akan berbeda jika yang berpendapat adalah bapak dosen.beliau pasti kasih tepok tangan--.. trus dia juga bilang kami ga pake nama dada --name tag--..
oke.
hanya karena itu.? hm. saya rasa itu hanyalah alasan yang dibuat dan dicari oleh dia. bahkan teman saya yang duduk di bangku belakang pun komentar,"kenapa baru bilang sekarang miss.?kenapa ga dari kelompok pertama.?" ..

pada intinya., dia hanya tidak terima kalo kami begitu PINTAR dibanding dia.
satu hal yang saya dapatkan dari mata kuliah pertama di hari Jumat ini adalah,'jangan coba2 untuk lebih pintar dari AsDos anda..'



--CePe--

stand up for ... beauty

beauty.belle.kawaii.cantik.

everyone loves it. to reach that 'achievement', people do things. no matter what., they do it.. once again., to be considered as beauty.

let's take a glance.

in China, girls were considered as beauty if they had small feet.

in another part of world., women who had long neck will be achieved as beauty. the longer neck she had., the more beauty she was.

in media industry., girls had to meet these requirements : tall., thin., bright skin., long hair... then she became beautiful.

it's not always easy to be beautiful. sometimes it hurts.

do you think that put ur feet in small shoes is not hurt.?

how about wear kinda bracelet in ur neck to make it longer.?

what about the effort to make u always tall.,thin.,bright skin.,&long hair.?

they r definitely hurt!

don't go far to go far.

look at mirror.

"do i do d same thing as them.?"

oke., maybe u can't be that extreme. but u have common thing with them..

maybe u won't admit that.
excuse me., may i remind u --and myself as well--..?

on prom night.

to be 'different' --they told me so&i took it as compliment--., wear a pair of sophisticated heels.. feels so proud when friends envy to u but gets hurt at the same time.

on wedding party.

u'll attend a wedding party of ur friend.. and get to know that ur ex-boyfriend will be there too.. i bet u'll do these :

*get waxed --i don't wanna look like a monkey--

*hairstyle --i don't wanna look so messed--

*makeup --i don't wanna look pale--

*new dress --i'v worn all my dresses when i were with him--

*new shoes --to match with the new dress--

*new clutch bag --actually., i don't really need it.but when i see '20% off' on it so yes i do need it!!--

those stuff are hurt exactly. . but when u look at him&see how regret he's to let you go., it feels so WONDERFUL!

iv heard this statement from 'arisan! the series'.."beauty is painful., darling!!"

at that time i didn't get the point. now i know what that was all about.

to be beauty.,we've to 'sacrifice' ourselves by standing for those painful.

no matter how hurt it is., but it seems gone when people say,"hey.. look at you.. you are so... beautiful.."

--CePe--

see what iv got

so now i know why God still keep my prince until this time., He just wanna strengthen me then when He know that im ready, He'll send my prince to me. God know the time.

ironically, i got the lesson from my friend's failure. at the beginning., i feel lil bit envy with that couple. they look so great. till bad thing happens&changes everything.

they got broke up. and it's done.

i don't believe the fact. so i confirm to both and get "yes we are broke up" as the answer..

well., what a shame. but i get something to be taken home.

don't be jealous to what we don't have. the reason why God give it to them is because He will do something to them. it could be good or bad. whatever it's, God just want us to be better than before. beside., God want to teach me about something indirectly.

He show me how He work&get done with it. then the rest is my turn. what is it.? it is to analyze and learn what's hide behind.

in this case yes i did.

now i know why God still keep my prince.

because He know that i just want it badly.. in fact., i don't really need it.

God love me. He don't wanna someone to hurt me. then He protect me till the time when im strong enough.

the time when it'll be. but im sure im getting closer.

the time when im a better person than now.so i'll get a better person than the one i want badly now..

soon..

--CePe--

till the end of time

'..dear God., if he&i were made to be together then make it..but if not., please take him away from me..'

that's what im asking to God to do. so far, he choose 2nd option
but im chasing him again. get hurt again. ask God the same pray. finally, He still give me 2nd option.

the lesson i learn here is about if man&woman are not meant to be together then it means they can't be together. how hard you try, it still doesn't work.

yes some people say that there's nothing wrong if they give it a shot. they have given it., even shotS. the things that they do --and the shotS they give-- are just the way to satisfy them so they could come up with a conclusion and closed with 'love is not for you and i..'

God speak!
then what could they do.?the harder they try, the louder God speak. how much signs do they need to proof that they can't be together.?at least they both are still trying to make it., begging for God's mercy to bind them till death do they apart.

but what if for girl wo falls in love with a boy.?the bad news is that boy is even never looks at taht girl. never realizes the existences of girl. and always ignore her.

you must be wondering why girl doesn't move on.?
it's because she still begs on God's mercy. no matter how loud God speak., doesn't care how hurt the feeling is.. she still there for him..stands for him..wish someday he would know her existence even when she already gone..


--CePe--

what am i to you..??

to you with full of question marks..

may i ask you a or some question(s)..?
it's been spinning on my head.
confusing me.
freaking me out.

may i show them to you..?
so you could know what do i have in my mind.
so you could answer them.
so i could sleep well tonight.

may i give a box to you..?
the box that i keep since i met you for the first time.
it's containing of all my feelings to you.
including my anger, happiness, sadness ..
and yes i want you to have it because it's all about you.

may i go to the point..?
the point that i want to ask to you.
the thing that makes me wonder like a hell.

ahh..
how do i tell you..?
how is your reaction..?

look.,
all i wanna ask to you is.,

what am i to you..?
do all the things we do have means to you..?
that's holding hand.,
that's blink of your eye.,
that's smile.,
that's word.,
what do they mean.....,, to you..?

you know.,
those things are really mean to me.
am i wrong if i ask to you..?


what am i to you..?

more than ... -part 2-

why small can be big.?
why minus can be plus.?
why minority can be majority.?

i bet indonesian people knows this kinda multitalentend actress. she can sing, dance, and act. she's smart, ambitious, fabulous and rich. her famous statement was about her ambition to be 'go international' --and we'r still waiting for you in starworld, miss..--

well, what i'm gonna say here is again about 'girl' more than 'boy'..
when i look at her in my Toshiba 29"., i just wondering who's gonna be her boy.? i mean, i don't have any willing to be a 'want-to-know neighbor'., but with all her ability or talent or gift that she has., which boy who has that high confident to ask her out.?

and for her., maybe she realizes that she's so damn high quality single babe. then it makes her so picky and maybe put high qualifications as well to boy who wanna be her boyfriend.

is that the rule of relationship.?
"i am qualified. so it's OK for me to pick whoever i want.."
is that fair.?
"u r not equal with me.. u can't be with me.."

why small can be big.?
why minus can be plus.?
why minority can be majority.?

as a human being, is it normal for us to see the small slash minus slash minor part of someone.? what we do is just make it bigger or plus or major than the real it is.
why the minus part of someone can be a barrier or such a great wall to see the plus side of him.? it's not fair!

what about his plus.?what about his other ability.?what about his adorable side.? will us just ignore them.?

as i'v said in my posting before, that we live to complete each other. the reason why God give me this plus is to correct his minus. why God give him that ability side is to cover my unability. it's fair, isn't it.?

there is no coincidence in life. everything comes for a reason. if you still don't know why God give you something in your life then someday you'll figure it out. maybe by someone's help.



where is he where is he where is this beautiful guy.,
who is he who is he.,
who's gonna complete my world...
[Where Are You -- J. Roman feat Soluna]




--CePe--

feels good

happy.
easy word, hard to get. is it that hard.? for me, as a moody girl, it's quite hard. but not that hard when i'm in a good mood. well, everybody does.

am i wrong if i tell you that make up makes me happy.? do i sound stupid.? is it silly.?

well, i don't know exactly since when i'm in love with make up. it's natural. i'm a girl. is it wrong.?

by putting make up on your face u know exactly how your face is. u also could know minus and plus of your face. to the minus u can correct and for the plus u can boost it. that's the power of make up! it also shows how you appreciate yourself. correct me if i'm wrong.

for me., u could see the differences between "Putri with make up" and "Putri without make up".. somehow i don't know why i feel good when i put some make up on my face. when i look at the mirror and admire myself then i feel good. then i'm ready to face the world. if i meet someone who more beautiful than me, it won't let me down since i feel good --at least once when i looked at the mirror in my room--..

when i have no enough time to put some make up i will., umm.. yes i'm still happy,. but not maximum. hahaha. is it legal.?

well, i'm not kinda expert in doing make up. but at least i know how to make up --myself--.

i'm happy when put some colour on my face.
i'm happy with the result.
i'm happy to know that i'm good today.
it makes me more confident.
it cheers me up.
and nothing can stop me.
nothing can let me down!




i am beautiful no mater what they say words can't bring me down i am beautiful in every single way yes, words can't bring me down so, don't you bring me down today
(Beautiful - Christina Aguilera)





--CePe--

i'v got a power!!

gue adalah orang yang ga beranian kalo udah urusan sama orang lain. gue adalah orang yang diem aja kalo diapa2in. gue ga brani untuk berontak. gue cenderung untuk nerimo dan mengikuti arus. tapi gak tau gimana dan kenapa., beberapa hari ini gue seperti dapat kekuatan untuk berontak. gue seperti punya keberanian untuk meminta kejelasan. mempertanyakan keadaan. salahkah gue.? gue cuma mau tau tentang sesuatu. karena bagi gue 3 tahun is enough! salah kalo gue mempertanyakan.?

gue capeu. gue bingung. tapi gue juga ga tau harus gimana. gue coba ngikutin mau nya. tapi ternyata gue salah. karena dia sendiri pun ga tau apa mau nya. boleh kan kalo gue tanya dia.? karena ini pun menyangkut gue! tentang gue..

gue juga ga tau kenapa gue bisa senekad ini. bisa seberani itu buat bertanya. mungkin semua ini seperti bola salju yang terus menggelinding. tak terasa bola salju itu telah membesar sehingga tak bisa lagi untuk diabaikan.

keberanian.
selalu kata itu yang didengungkan. entah kenapa pada akhirnya justru gue yang punya keberanian untuk bertanya. kenapa gak dari dia.?

3 tahun.
masih pantaskah aku menunggu.? masih pantaskah aku bertanya.? masih adakah harapan itu.?


overall., i proud of myself!!





--CePe--

more than ...

what is the matter of being 'more than' someone.? especially 'girl more than boy' case. is it a real matter so could be as a barrier to get both bind.? or is it about ego.? boys!

what's wrong with that.? what's wrong by being more than you.? is it false.? so what can they, as those who are in 'higher' position, do.?

i can't figure out what's the real matter of it. why in this century still there's people who thinks like that.? is it whatsocalled as ego.? what a shame and poor me.. haha!

my brother told me about equilibrium position. to reach it, demand has to meet supply. but i'm not a thing which can be bought. ha! he also said that one has to admit other's ability. "who?" i said.. "the lower one.." he replied.. wew! how it could be!

in my opinion, your ego is so selfish, boys! you don't consider how girls' feeling. it's all about you and you. you as the center. but what about girl, what about me.? if you do really care about me., please reconsider it.

instead of making the relationship as competition., why don't you guys make it as completing each other.?




--CePe--

test blog baru --greeting from new blogger--

hellow.
nama aku Putri Citra Permata., people called me in many names. family called me as Phie, friends called me as Cepe, and others called me as Putri.. --hehehe.. not that much actually..-- .. well., i feel more comfortable to be called as Cepe., dunno why.. it sounds you know me better or personal.
i come from family of six., used to. time goes by., some come and go. so now on i come from family of 12 --wew., i just realized it..--
i go to London School of Public Relations Jakarta majoring Public Relations, batch X or 2006.
my hobbies are writing, speaking, texting, posting, reading, travelling, walking around, hanging out, and many other -ing stuff.
i'm kinda easy and open minded girl. lil bit moody. laugh's lover. and so on. and so on. and so on.

well., since i'm new as a blogger. i'd like to welcome myself.. hehehe.

WELCOME TO BLOGSPOT, CEPE!!!