from me to you

this letter contains of questions that should be asked by a daughter to her mom.
you might be wonder why i wrote these on my blog.
it's simply because my mom is no longer here with me again.
so, well. yeah. just read it.

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mom, what is marriage.? why i should do and how do i know that he's gonna be the one.? what if i choose wrong guy.? how will i know whether he's right or wrong.?

mom, i met this guy. the guy who gave me first kiss. this guy quite good, mom. he knew how to handle me, how to teach me, understand my sorrow of losing you. but we're over.

months after, I met another guy. I'm not sure about him. and yes I was right.
we just stayed for about 3 months.
many guys after, mom.

until I fell for this one.
he's handsome, love me deeply, do me tenderly, teach me what is love and life.
with him I'm getting better version of myself.
all of sudden I found myself could handle my anger and emotion, not speaking in high intonation, be more patient, always look anything from two sides.
he comes from family of four, Javanese (as I told you months before you go that I really want to mudik to Java someday), young and talented entrepreneur.
you must be thought that he's a good, great, and right guy, mom.?
but unfortunately, not in right time, mom.

mom, could you please ask Allah why Allah puts me on this fate.?
where does destiny will take me to, mom.?
what Allah wants me to get by facing this problem.?

i want to stop loving him but i just can't. just can't.

dear mom.,
this is me your daughter.
what is marriage.?
before i met him i was not sure about that. i'm such a 'meragukan' that institution.
but when i met him now i know that i want to mom. i want to.
i am willing to have him hand in hand with me to build a house, raise our kids, love and care each other, and put his name as my last name.
until death do us apart.

if Allah doesn't allow us to be as one then why Allah gives us this feeling.?
why Allah let me to see him.?
and why now, mom.?
if Allah really wants us to be husband and wife Allah must let us meet few years ago.
and if Allah doesn't want to as to be husband and wife, why Allah let us to fall to each other.?

I'm not complaining.
I just ask you mom.
as daughter to mom.

this is hurt, mom. this is hurt.
it's hard to live without you.
it's not easy to transform from a girl to be a young lady then a woman without mom as role model.

mom, i want you to come to my dream.
to answer these questions, mom.

what is marriage.? and why I'm so sure to have it with him.?
will I meet someone else, mom.? will him give me stronger feeling than the one that i have now, mom.?

dear mom, it's me your daughter asking you..


--CePe--